An Open Letter to Friends Who Chose to Leave Me Behind

I thought we were BFFs. Best friends forever. Best friends who will always be there for one another, who will always support each other, who understands each other, who knows each other well enough to understand the actions that we do. But I guess I was wrong. I guess I was fooled into thinking that our 4 years of friendship actually means a lot to you guys. That nothing will ever be able to destroy it. Unfortunately, I now have to deal with the fact that you guys just easily threw it away like it meant nothing. And honestly, it hurts like hell.

We all knew that once we graduated from college, things will be a whole lot different. We’d be going down different paths, doing different things and living different lives. And true enough that happened. But we tried our best to still meet up, hang out and catch up with each other as much as possible. This went on greatly for a few months. But then I got busier at work. I missed our dates, I wasn’t able to hang out, and I suddenly became the busy adult. Naturally, I expected you guys to understand that. It wasn’t my fault. It was just the way it is with my work. It’s my priority. So imagine my shock when you guys just suddenly stopped inviting me to hang out. Suddenly, I wasn’t as important to be part of the group as I once was. Suddenly, I was the outsider. I really didn’t know why. But then I realized, it’s because I can’t do the things you guys are doing. Both of you have gone down the same path, and I chose a different one. Both of you chose a life of partying, drinking, and hanging out; while I chose a life of priorities and responsibilities.

Being left behind, I sort of felt like the reason why you guys just dumped me, was because I wasn’t doing what you guys were doing. I was left out because I choose to do different things. And that hurt more than anything. I expected that you would understand. I expected you guys to be there. But no, you weren’t. Not anymore.

But I forgive you. And I also forgive myself. 

I forgive you for what you've done... Even though I know it was not intentional and it wasn't what you really wanted. I forgive you for allowing it to happen, for not doing anything about it.. Not doing anything to fix it. I forgive you.

I also forgive myself for allowing me to react in ways that were not the best idea. I forgive myself for allowing me to carry on with the pain and not deal with it. But most of all, I forgive myself for staying quiet.

I've moved on now. And now I can say that I can still face you personally and not feel any hate or remorse. All I will ever feel now is regret and sadness. Because as much as it hurt, as much as I want to just forget. I can't. Because I will always miss you both...